Our son is just turning 5 and has SM (although not officially diagnosed yet). He does not speak with adults, for the most part. There are a few select adults that he will talk with, a few more that he will communicate with (pointing, pretending to be a puppy with barking and paws, or using pretend voices), and the rest are just not communicated with at all. The majority of adults fall into the latter category. He will become more comfortable in a social setting as time goes by, but never to the point of speaking. By becoming more comfortable, I mean that he will sit in his own chair at a table and eat his food (rather than hiding behind me or kneeling on the floor). But we are constantly told to tell other people not to look at him. Children, on the other hand, seem to not be a problem. He will usually play quite well, although there does seem to be control issues over how games are played or whether they are listening to him. His emotions are always very close to the surface.

We have been homeschooling him (for a number of reasons) and had planned on continuing this, prior to learning about “selective mutism”. Now we are a little on the fence over what to do. Personally, it seems to me that if we are in a position to homeschool, it makes sense. Given an anxiety disorder, why put them in a situation that makes them more anxious, as long as other socializing and educational opportunities are provided? On the downside, I can see where having the same people on a daily basis working with our son might show quicker results. Do you have any experience with parents homeschooling their SM children, and if so, what is your opinion on the benefits and/or risks therein? Would you have any specific advice to a homeschooling parent of a SM child? Thanks so much for all the help you provide
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Our son is just turning 5 and has SM (although not officially diagnosed yet). He does not speak with adults, for the most part. There are a few select adults that he will talk with, a few more that he will communicate with (pointing, pretending to be a puppy with barking and paws, or using pretend voices), and the rest are just not communicated with at all. The majority of adults fall into the latter category. He will become more comfortable in a social setting as time goes by, but never to the point of speaking. By becoming more comfortable, I mean that he will sit in his own chair at a table and eat his food (rather than hiding behind me or kneeling on the floor). But we are constantly told to tell other people not to look at him. Children, on the other hand, seem to not be a problem. He will usually play quite well, although there does seem to be control issues over how games are played or whether they are listening to him. His emotions are always very close to the surface.

We have been homeschooling him (for a number of reasons) and had planned on continuing this, prior to learning about “selective mutism”. Now we are a little on the fence over what to do. Personally, it seems to me that if we are in a position to homeschool, it makes sense. Given an anxiety disorder, why put them in a situation that makes them more anxious, as long as other socializing and educational opportunities are provided? On the downside, I can see where having the same people on a daily basis working with our son might show quicker results. Do you have any experience with parents homeschooling their SM children, and if so, what is your opinion on the benefits and/or risks therein? Would you have any specific advice to a homeschooling parent of a SM child? Thanks so much for all the help you provide.

Answer

Honestly, where I live, in Philadelphia Pa, homeschooling is not common here. However, I am not an advocate of homeschooling for SM kids. I will tell you why. Understand this is just my professional opinion, not based on scientific studies, ok??

Since these children have anxiety, the majority with social anxiety, I believe these children need early and frequent socialization. If you can provide your child with this while homeschooling, great! But, in the majority of cases, parents will admit that most homeschooled children do not get the same amount of socialization as children who attend school away from the home. Think of it this way…if you were afraid or uncomfortable with speaking…and you had to give a speech, you would be nervous, right? Well, if you started young, giving speeches and getting up in front of people ….each time adding a few more people to the audience.,…..and did this for many years, chances are you would build a tolerance and learn how to cope with giving these speeches, right?

Imagine…all of a sudden, having to get up in front of many, many people to give a speech, when having not done it too many times in the past, and when you did give a speech it was to a few people at a time on an inconsistent basis…how do you think you would feel giving this big speech now??? My bet is you would be a wreck compared to having given lots of little speeches along the way and adding a few more people at a time to your audience. You would be desensitizing yourself to your ‘speaking’ environment. This is a lot like SM……if you start a child out young, like your child and desensitize him slowly and comfortably…learning to cope and be comfortable with children around, it will be easier than having him wait till he is in high school or college to have to learn to fend on his own in an academic setting.

I am talking about an SM child here…one that needs to socialize and combat social anxiety… I am just afraid that homeschooling, is in a way, sheltering and protecting your child from ‘socializing’ and learning how to cope at an early age with his social anxiety (if that is what he has). You may just be postponing the inevitable.

If you are going to homeschool, then please make sure you are socializing your child outside the home to other peers. Your child needs to learn and experiment with children his own age in order to build social confidence and social skills. If you are providing this, then all the more to you and good luck to you. You are your child’s mom and you have to do what you feel is best for your child….Even if it means not agreeing with others.

Dr. Elisa Shipon-Blum